Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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