She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
