I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Randomize
