I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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