found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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