the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
