If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
