he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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