wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I am available for nakedness
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
