I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
