4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
