oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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