okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
