dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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