She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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