Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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