Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize