dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
