Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
