Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
