i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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