when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
