what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
