Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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