I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
