dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
