Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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