I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
