I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
