Kareoke will never be a sober sport
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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