i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
