I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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