I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
