Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
