Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
