kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
