I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
