i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
