I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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