You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
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She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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