it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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