i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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