You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
