There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
