remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
look no pants
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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