I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
