You made me cry and you don't even care
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
