She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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