its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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