Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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