My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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