Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
