: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
