just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
