i just sent this text using only my big toe
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
