Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
that is very illegal...i love you.
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