Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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