Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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