Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
