I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
