U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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