I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
