Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
