Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
