I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
