she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
