Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
