dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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