his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize