Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
My underwear smells like fireworks.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The uberlube is also flammable
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
