i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
