My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
