can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
