Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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