he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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