Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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