my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
