woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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